the birth story

The day Eloise was born was one of the greatest days of my life. I was so nervous for her to come, but that day will surely remain one of the most beautiful I've ever experienced. Life is beautiful + moments like seeing your little babe for the first time, well, they are so sacred, so pure, that of course, my writing will never be able to do this day justice, but hopefully I can at least jot down the details so I can look back and remember what an exciting day it was.

On Saturday, the day before she was born, I was having pretty painful contractions randomly throughout the day. I really didn't pay much attention to them because I was 40 weeks 6 days and scheduled to be induced on Monday - in 2 days, and I had all but given up on my body going into labor by itself. I knew that, no matter what, it was the last day for me to get the house ready for baby. So I cleaned and cleaned all day, ran errands, moved furniture, and finally finished packing my hospital bag. 

My contractions continued all day, and around midnight they became steadier to where they were about every 5-10 minutes apart. For some reason I still had it in my head that my body wasn't going to do this labor thing by itself so it never really occurred to me that we might be going to the hospital soon, ha! So all night my contractions continued every 5 minutes and I winced in pain every five minutes, holding my breath and curling up in pain. At 6 a.m. I was soo exhausted and finally accepted that I should probably go to the hospital so I showered and dried my hair. After that my contractions continued 4-5 minutes apart but I was just way too tired to go to the hospital after being up all night so I just laid on the bed and fell asleep for a few hours.

When I woke up they were 2-5 minutes apart so I told Tanner I was going to eat and finish getting ready and then we could go. A few minutes into that I realized I was in way to much pain to do any of those  things, so off we went. 

Going home after 3 days in the NICU and probably 5 hours of sleep total over those 3 days. Do I look tired?! 

When I checked in at 11 am  I was dilated to a 4.5, and about an hour later I got the blessed epidural. My Mom and Kristen came straight from the airport where Kristen had just gotten in from Arizona, and hung out with us in the hospital room.

I really wasn't much fun to be around though because I was TERRIFIED to have this baby. I kept asking if it was too late to turn back. I was totally in denial, and didn't want to push, and was just so, so scared. I felt so inadequate (and tired from being up all night!) We said a prayer together and I felt a little more peaceful after - but still scared. Yep, scared out of my mind! 

Side note about the epidural -- it made me itch so, so bad. Seriously it turned me into a spaz. I was freaking out and saying I'd rather not have it at all because the itching was driving me NUTS. Ah! My skin is crawling just thinking about it. 

By about 5 pm or so I was dilated to a 10 but I was so so numb that I couldn't push (which I was secretly happy about because like I said, I was scared to meet her so I was happy to postpone it:)) I think I started pushing around 5:30 and she was born at 6:58. Pushing was AWESOME. Granted I know that if I didn't have an epidural it would have been terrible, but it was just the coolest feeling -- giving birth. TMI, ha. Really though, I loved it. Weird right? 

Eloise's heart rate was dropping as I pushed and she pooped as she was coming out, which scared me so bad, because I had heard scary things about it getting in the lungs, so when I heard her sweet little cry as she came out, I was elated.

And wow, that moment! There are no words! She was beautiful. I couldn't believe she was here, and she was mine, and how perfect she was! Not even going to try and describe it. Just... wow. As soon as I saw her I couldn't believe I had been so scared. I could never have imagined how I would feel when I saw her for the first time. It was so special and so sacred to see her for the first time. (and of course, I bawled like a baby -- Tanner cried too) 

We held her skin to skin, in the dimly lit room, and relished in that moment that our family truly began. It was like Christmas morning! Except way, way better. 

s a i l i n g

One of my favorite (albeit, weirdest) memories of my Dad happened while I was in high school. I think I was a Senior? My Dad woke me up one Saturday morning after he had been garage sale-ing. (Always a good sign...) He told me he bought a sail boat (really just a catamaran). He dragged me out of bed to come see. It was orange and yellow, and had some dumb trampoline thing that you sat on while you "sailed." I was so confused. My Dad didn't know how to sail. At all. AT ALL! But he had done a lot of reading and been a few times, so it would all work out, right?            

Which brings me to one of the things I admire most about him. He didn't know to sail but he didn't care, he wanted to learn, so he was going to! And he did. And boy was he committed. We all poked fun of him as he would take his little cat down to the lake, lift up the mast, and hope to make it out of the marina without the motor dying and without forgetting to put the plugs into the boat before we sank. ALWAYS an adventure. It was honestly weird how much he didn't seem to mind how things never quite went right.

Through it all though Kev became a real captain! AND he finally got a real sailboat. So now, we can head out on the lake with the whole family without getting wet, we can eat lunch on the lake (or airheads for Wes) and relax on the boat, with just the sound of the sails, no loud motor. And after all the mishaps Kev became a remarkably good sailor and I think (co-captain) Tanner even has the bug too. (Yay!) I love it. I love that he took something he knew nothing about, and with total confidence ran with it, and made something out of it! Most of all, I love how much we benefit from it :)

P.S. We missed you Kristen!!!

house fun

I am seriously struggling with this blogging thing lately. It's been cray cray lately to say the least. Sooo, in a nutshell. I'm looking super fat and preg which is AWESOME, we've been to California a few times, I made it through the hardest semester I've ever done (just to start up again last week! ugh), and we have been doing lots of house projects (surprise, surprise!).

Today we went to home depot on the way home from Wes' piano recital to grab some gray paint chips for the house, because as it turns out, it is impossible to find a good gray, instead though, we ended up coming home with a million bushes and some edging, and decided today was the perfect day to tear up our yard. WHAT?!! But it worked out and it's looking really good. Physical labor is fun sometimes! Seriously, I love it. Although, lets me honest, I'll let Tanner do the rest of the yard without me. I'm tired!  

Se here is what we did today! I wish I had a before because it's a lot different. But instead, just imagine lots of weeds. And... after.......

We dug out a bunch of grass, and dug a trench to put this edging in. I saw more spiders today then I have seen in my entire life combined. Such a treat. We really need to call a bug guy. 

We are super excited that our house doesn't look like a meth house anymore! haha. We've still got more to do in front along the side of the driveway, but after today I don't want to think about that.  The thing I am MOST excited for though is what I have in store for (hopefully) next week. I am going to paint our door a fun shade of green like the one below. Crazy that I don't like that beautiful brown we have now, I know. I am going to paint the inside and outside the same color.

And since I always love stalking peoples bump pictures... I've basically ballooned over that past two weeks. Maybe it's the stress? Or maybe I just have a human inside of me.  So here it is. The 24 week bump. (and a messy house) I feel like I look like I'm due any day now. 

we are baaaack!

I think I'm going to make a thing to just not blog from January through March. Mainly because there is nothing good that happens during those months because it is just TOO COLD. But, the sun is starting to shine again, this semester is over in about a month, and we are even getting out on our bikes tonight. Good things are happening. Our house has been a bit of a construction zone the past little bit and we are both so happy that it is at least semi put back together (actually it never was put together so this is a first for our house:) 

It is so nice to have a couch back in our family room. Let me tell ya. 

my happiness project.

I have hesitated posting about this sooo much, because, well, by actually putting this out there, that means I have to stick to it, which scares me. So, I don't know exactly why I am sharing this little project of mine. But, for whatever reason, a moment of insanity has lead me to share some goals I've outlined for the next year.

The idea for my own happiness project came from the book The Happiness Project (who would have ever guessed?!)  I took this book with me everywhere this summer as a fun read --- I actually didn't even finish it, but that Gretchen Rubin inspired me to take on my own Happiness Project in just the first half of the book.  (Maybe one of my goals should be to finish the second half?) In the book, the author focuses on ONE THING every month to work on. Just one thing. And she works on it all month. I think this approach makes goals much more achievable, while giving you time to see the fruits of your work.

Disclaimer: We are happy! I am happy! Actually I am the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. No contest. Tanner has blessed my life beyond comprehension --- I wish life could just be as it is, right now, here in this moment, forever.

But with that said, I KNOW  there are some things that I could be better at, some things that I believe if I were to focus on, there would be greater peace in our home & in our hearts. I hope that by focusing on these monthly goals that we will be able to live life more fully, and gratefully. I want us to be savoring this time.  Every last moment.

So, here we go!!! Gretchen did hers for a whole year, but I'm sort of terrified that I won't last a year (seriously though), but there are lots of things I want to work on so I still made goals for mostly the whole year, even if some will change as I go!

January :  Cleanliness and Organization

February :Bettering our Marriage

March : Budgeting

April : Take Risks + Try NEW things

May : Serve Others

June : Outdoors. Everything outdoors.

July: Be Creative

August : Healthy Living  (No eating out?!) 

September : Kindness & Patience

October : Strengthen Relationships (friends + fam) 

November :  ????

December: ????

There they are. Let's do this!

welcome 2013

This past year was a good good year. There were so many moments this past year where I felt so amazed by how blessed we have been. It was a happy, healthy year full of beginnings and ends, each of which brought us much joy & at times, sorrow. 

In January, Tanner started a new job. He has worked so hard, and has so much to be proud of. He amazes me. If I do say so myself...

We celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary, and our 3rd Christmas season together.

We traveled to.... oh wait no where. Let's hope that changes in 2013! But, really, we did go to St. George a couple of times, Vegas, and Palm Springs for a day. Next year, I really really hope New York City, and Redfish can be added to that list! 

I started and finished a job that I loved at the Credit Union, and now I "get" to focus on school in the coming year. It totally is a blessing, but I am going to miss my job.


And best of all this year? We bought our first house! 

>>------------------------>>> here are a couple pictures 
                                      (i'll post more when I have 'em)

This picture is super pixely but I love how our new comforter goes with my chair//dresser//mirror. We also hung some new pretty gray curtains in here. 

Our yard! We don't even know what to do with it. Maybe we'll build a snowman when it's not 6 degrees outside!? 

Bring it on 2013!! Something tells us this year is going to be the best yet... :) 

my little wes is sort of amah-zing.

Seriously though. This is the first video of him that we have (that isn't on my cell phone) I love hearing all the music he writes. There is a new one (with lyrics) nearly everyday!

Tanner can attest to the fact that I'm sort of a creep about him. I listen to his music as I drive to work, and the first thing I want to do when I get to my parents is hear Wes play! I am just jealous.

So anyways, this is the song he wrote for reflections. So far he has made it to region! What an awesome little guy. (who also has an affinity for cat videos - you'll see)

I'm so proud of Wes for finally making his cat video debut!!!

(^^^ a little clip of a sunday jam sesh)