On Saturday, the day before she was born, I was having pretty painful contractions randomly throughout the day. I really didn't pay much attention to them because I was 40 weeks 6 days and scheduled to be induced on Monday - in 2 days, and I had all but given up on my body going into labor by itself. I knew that, no matter what, it was the last day for me to get the house ready for baby. So I cleaned and cleaned all day, ran errands, moved furniture, and finally finished packing my hospital bag.
My contractions continued all day, and around midnight they became steadier to where they were about every 5-10 minutes apart. For some reason I still had it in my head that my body wasn't going to do this labor thing by itself so it never really occurred to me that we might be going to the hospital soon, ha! So all night my contractions continued every 5 minutes and I winced in pain every five minutes, holding my breath and curling up in pain. At 6 a.m. I was soo exhausted and finally accepted that I should probably go to the hospital so I showered and dried my hair. After that my contractions continued 4-5 minutes apart but I was just way too tired to go to the hospital after being up all night so I just laid on the bed and fell asleep for a few hours.
When I woke up they were 2-5 minutes apart so I told Tanner I was going to eat and finish getting ready and then we could go. A few minutes into that I realized I was in way to much pain to do any of those things, so off we went.
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| Going home after 3 days in the NICU and probably 5 hours of sleep total over those 3 days. Do I look tired?! |
When I checked in at 11 am I was dilated to a 4.5, and about an hour later I got the blessed epidural. My Mom and Kristen came straight from the airport where Kristen had just gotten in from Arizona, and hung out with us in the hospital room.
I really wasn't much fun to be around though because I was TERRIFIED to have this baby. I kept asking if it was too late to turn back. I was totally in denial, and didn't want to push, and was just so, so scared. I felt so inadequate (and tired from being up all night!) We said a prayer together and I felt a little more peaceful after - but still scared. Yep, scared out of my mind!
Side note about the epidural -- it made me itch so, so bad. Seriously it turned me into a spaz. I was freaking out and saying I'd rather not have it at all because the itching was driving me NUTS. Ah! My skin is crawling just thinking about it.
By about 5 pm or so I was dilated to a 10 but I was so so numb that I couldn't push (which I was secretly happy about because like I said, I was scared to meet her so I was happy to postpone it:)) I think I started pushing around 5:30 and she was born at 6:58. Pushing was AWESOME. Granted I know that if I didn't have an epidural it would have been terrible, but it was just the coolest feeling -- giving birth. TMI, ha. Really though, I loved it. Weird right?
Eloise's heart rate was dropping as I pushed and she pooped as she was coming out, which scared me so bad, because I had heard scary things about it getting in the lungs, so when I heard her sweet little cry as she came out, I was elated.
And wow, that moment! There are no words! She was beautiful. I couldn't believe she was here, and she was mine, and how perfect she was! Not even going to try and describe it. Just... wow. As soon as I saw her I couldn't believe I had been so scared. I could never have imagined how I would feel when I saw her for the first time. It was so special and so sacred to see her for the first time. (and of course, I bawled like a baby -- Tanner cried too)
We held her skin to skin, in the dimly lit room, and relished in that moment that our family truly began. It was like Christmas morning! Except way, way better.
2 comments:
Love this...love you guys...dying to see that sweet babe and hug you guys too:) Some day.
Beautiful post Jessie. So happy for all of you.
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